Part 2: Succulent Terrarium: DIY

Part II: Succulent Terrarium Construction

Exactly what will it take to build a succulent terrarium that will not eventually succumb to the serious and fundamental flaw in the very idea of putting succulents in a terrarium?

First things first:
If you have not read the introduction to this project, go back and read it first; the succeeding discussion will not make sense otherwise.


To summarize, though, our succulent terrarium will have to provide the following conditions in order to succeed for longer than two weeks:
          1. air movement
          2. low humidity
          3. very short wet-pot period (i.e. rapid evaporation)
          4. rapid drainage
          5. high light conditions
          6. heat
Why? Because evolution. See related post.

Q&A: Part 1: How do you make a succulent terrarium?

This blogpost will probably offend you so stop reading; this is going to be a snarkfest.

It is impossible to tone it down because...well, succulent terrariums. This is by far my favorite idea to filter down from the Flakeworld, along with crystal therapy for cats, and homeopathy. And what's not to like? The photos are always beautiful, elegantly understated, evoking thoughts of sunny skies and youthful sparkle. And they look like they take care of themselves!

But, like all well-packaged bullshit, you don't realize you're chewing on fecal matter until you've swallowed it.

This one, for example, was being sold for $125. It is, without a doubt, at once breathtakingly beautiful and inevitably fatal to the plant. Know that whenever you buy one of these things, you're paying for the gesture, not the idea.

Then, there is this mass-produced abomination that takes the concept out of the hands of casual hobbyist to a different level: the mass market .I applaud the creativity, but if these are being sold as anything other than succulent plant coffins, that's just rude.