The TINZ (Explicit!)

Tangina: short for the Tagalog epithet, "putang ina" meaning "whore mother"; not the same as "child of a whore" although it is implied, depending on usage. Used more often as a general-purpose epithet either as a noun or adjective on anyone or anything, regardless of gender ("Tangina ka" or "You whoremother") or corporeal nature (e.g. "Tanginang panaginip ko kagabi!" or "I had a whoremother of a dream last night"). Tangina is often shortened further to tangna, the variant often used in normal conversation to add emphasis. Variance is further introduced with the use of two different pronouns, ka or mo. Tangna ka is translated as "You whoremother" while Tangna mo translates to "Your whore mother"; the latter is considered the more offensive of the two since it invokes the relevant parent.

The TINZ is the Tangina Zone, an area of plant care designated for plants that are just impossible to please. After having bent over backwards to find out as much available information on plant care and culture. if a particular potted bitch still refuses to cooperate, into the TINZ it goes where it is left to its own devices with minimal attention.

By minimal I mean I would not grab a woodchuck and hurl it at the offending plant. But if one were to walk by with his servilleta around his neck, intent on dining on a TINZ plant, I would not dissuade him of the notion.

The use of the TINZ has also since expanded for application on people, stupid ideas, untenable ideologies and unsupportable hypotheses.

Gardenia (AKA Rosal)

All 50 million buds fell off at the cashier

If there was any other plant that can cough up blooms the color of sour milk that smells like a combination of cream. vanilla, sharp knife and fresh urine with a gentle sugary undertone of coconut milk, no one should bother growing this plant. Unfortunately, gardenia is the only plant that had the wit and imagination to marshal these odors across millions of years of evolution.
Rolling Eyeballs: Read More....


Dama de Noche (Cestrum nocturnum or Night-blooming Jasmine)

A strong, persistent plant, the Dama de Noche is known for its gentle wafting smell that can carry for miles, especially if grown in a large group. The flowers are tiny star-shaped and otherwise unremarkable for looks but carry a distinct odor not at all like jasmine. Jasmine will remind you of Dama de Noche, but not the other way around.

However, the best way to enjoy this plant is to have your neighbour plant it in their garden so that it is their problem in the winter. Rolling Eyeballs: Read more....





New Guinea Impatiens
Consider the dappled lights on the forest floor in New Guinea; imagine the sounds and the somewhat oppressive humidity and heat in the peak of summer. Basically, the only place to maintain a plant this picky is in your nostril.  Read more...

Rex Begonia
I refuse to even discuss this.

Episcia
This is an on-going saga, stretching out two and a half years so far. It has lasted that long because the four surviving cultivars have lasted longer than usual--seven months as of autumn 2014. Read more...

Black Bat Plant (Tacca chantrieri) 
I've seen photos of this plant in bloom. Yeah, they're all doctored. The damn thing doesn't really bloom. It's a global black bat plant conspiracy. Read More...

This list will undoubtedly grow.